Why I let my kids be the boss (for a day)
A few months ago, after yet another round of “Because I said so” and a dinner battle over broccoli, my daughter looked at me and said, dead serious: “You never listen to me. I’m just a kid, so you don’t care what I think.” Oof. It hit me right in the gut.
So the next Saturday, I handed her a notepad and said, “Okay, you’re the boss today. You decide what we do, what we eat, and how we spend our time—within reason. My only rule is: we have to treat each other kindly.” Her eyes lit up like it was Christmas morning.
What followed was a fascinating, hilarious, and honestly eye-opening experiment in empathy, negotiation, and perspective-taking—on both our parts.
Lesson #1: Giving Kids Power Helps Them Feel Seen
That day, we made pancakes with whipped cream, did sidewalk chalk for almost two hours, and watched her favorite movie twice. But what struck me most was how carefully she considered my feelings. At one point she asked, “Do you want to take a break? You’ve been drawing unicorns for a long time.”It turns out, when kids feel heard and respected, they often offer it right back.
Lesson #2: Role Reversals Build Emotional Insight
Letting her be in charge helped her step into my shoes, too. When we had to clean up after lunch, she frowned and said, “Ugh, being the boss is kind of hard.” She started to get what it means to lead with care. Emotional intelligence includes understanding the experience of others—not just how we feel, but how they feel, too.
Lesson #3: Listening Is the Secret Door to Connection
The truth is, my daughter didn’t want to control me. She wanted to be considered. That’s what kids want most—to know their voices matter. That Saturday reminded me that when we slow down and truly listen, even for a day, our kids don’t just feel loved—they feel valued.
-Try a “You’re the Boss” Day or Hour. Let your child plan activities and make decisions with guardrails. -Look for ways to give micro-choices: “Would you like to brush teeth first or get dressed first?”
-Narrate your own emotional awareness: “I’m feeling tired, so I need a quiet activity. What do you think we can do together that’s calm?”
This weekend, give your child some control—just a little. Step into their world and let them lead. You’ll learn more about their inner life than you would from a hundred questions. And they’ll learn that leadership, at its best, starts with empathy.
