What to Say When Kids Lose It: Scripts for Big Feelings

A child in meltdown mode needs more than discipline—they need guidance, connection, and language. In those high-emotion moments, your response can either escalate or regulate. The secret weapon? EQ-informed scripts that teach while soothing.

Here are five powerful phrases to have in your back pocket:

• “You’re having a hard time. I’m here to help.”
  In the moment of a meltdown, children often feel alone, out of control, and even scared by their own intensity. This script acknowledges the struggle without judgment and reassures them of your steady presence.
  
  You’re not trying to fix it or minimize it—you’re with them. That message is powerful. It helps soothe the nervous system and communicates: You are safe. You are not bad. I’m not going anywhere.

Try these variations:
“This is really tough, huh? I’ve got you.”
“You’re not alone in this feeling.”

• “Let’s take a break and breathe together.”
  Children can’t regulate their emotions until their bodies feel calm—and most don’t yet have the tools to get there on their own. This phrase gently offers a reset without shame. It models a healthy, proactive coping strategy: Pause and breathe.
  
  It also shifts the energy from correction to collaboration. You’re not saying “calm down”; you’re doing it with them.

Try this variation:
“Let’s sit for a moment and take five balloon breaths.”
“I’ll breathe with you until it feels better.”
“Put your hand on my heart and listen to my breaths.”

• “It’s okay to feel angry. It’s not okay to hit.”
  Anger isn’t the problem—what we do with it is. This phrase sends a clear, respectful message: All feelings are valid. All behaviors are not.
  
  When you separate the feeling from the behavior, you teach kids that emotions are natural and safe to express—just not in harmful ways. This builds emotional literacy and accountability.

Try this variation:
“You’re mad. I get that. But your hands are not for hurting.”
“Let’s find another way to let the anger out—do you want to stomp, draw, or squeeze something?”

• “Can you show me with your hands how big your feeling is?”
  Sometimes kids don’t have the words—and expecting them to talk mid-meltdown can actually backfire. This script offers an alternative way to express the size and intensity of their emotions. It shifts their focus from acting out to tuning in.
  
  You may see them stretch their arms wide or show a tiny space between fingers. Either way, you’re helping them name and contain the feeling.

Try this variation:
“Is it as big as the room? Or smaller than a toy?”
“Is your anger a huge lion with a big roar, or an angry cat with a little hiss?”

• “What do you need right now—to talk, to hug, or to be alone?”
  Giving kids simple options helps them feel a sense of control when everything inside feels chaotic. This question not only encourages reflection on what they’re feeling, but also helps them begin to connect it to what might help them feel better.
  
  It’s a practice in emotional problem-solving—and it tells kids their needs matter.

Try this variation:
“Do you want a cozy spot, a hug, or some space?”
“Would it help to talk now or in a few minutes?”

Try This: Pick One Phrase to Practice This Week

The next time emotions run high—whether it’s a meltdown, shutdown, or something in between—try using one of these phrases. You don’t need to say it perfectly. What matters most is that you show up with calm, empathy, and presence.

These moments aren’t just “hard behavior” to correct. They’re powerful chances to connect, teach, and build emotional skills that will last a lifetime.